We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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