and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i drank out of a bidet.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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