my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Why is your signature on my underwear?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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