the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
