Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
