I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
