oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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