Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
