don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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