You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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