I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
