Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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