so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
