I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
