Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
