i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
