I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
