so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need to calm my uterus...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
