I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
