i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
