So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
