my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
