She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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