I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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