last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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