did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
