I'm laying in your front yard are you home
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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