can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
