Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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