What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
