This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
