We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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