I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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