I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
