I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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