Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
