P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
