You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
