Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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