You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Drunk is not a location!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
