I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All the doctor said was why
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
