He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
