i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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