i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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