we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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