I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
