Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
