I wish I could teleport
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
