So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
