oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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